Trev,
I miss you so incredibly much and you have no idea how hard I am taking your move. I didn't even think I'd take it this hard but all I can think about is you. Still everything in my world makes me smile of you. That doesn't happen much in life that you find someone who you talk to about EVERYTHING, lice, mexico, earlobs... Trev how many people are there in your life that you can say you talk to like that. How many people can you be around for so long and never get sick of them and never want to leave. How many people could you survive with for three hours in the thorns? How many people would you have the chance to hide in thorns with in the first place?
You're only young once Trev. THIS is your childhood, your teen years that artists sing about when they are in their 30's. These are the days that people yearn for again. Your best years are now... where do you want them to be Trev? With the little you have left don't you want to be with who you've known? You have all your life to readjust and move and such, but these years, you can never replace.
I feel selfish saying this. Saying I want you to move back here, saying I don't want you in Florida... but i dont! I LOVE YOU TREVOR. I love you more than anyone I've ever known before. And nothing in life is the same without you. Everything is dull and boring.
Did I tell you how I stood in the rain. HUGE storm and i went out on my porch and got drenched and wished you could just feel how much i need you here. I wished the rain could just absorb all my feelings and somehow get them to you. So you knew that so sincerely, how much
I love you
and how much
I miss you
I would do anything in the world for you. I just want to be with you. To spend an hour with you being lazy and watching TV and cuddling and looking in your eyes and seeing myself in them. I wish I could hear your voice and play footsies. I wish I could attempt to braid your hair or give you just one last massage. I didn't realize that everything was the last until I thought later... no more kisses, no more battle stories. No more throwing gummies or fleeing cars. No more Trevor.
And I want more of that and i need you here. Without you, I am nothing. And this is NOT just some silly teenage romance. Its not. Its everything I've ever dreamed of. And I miss you more than my heart could even tell. Beyond words, beyond thoughts, beyond everything I've ever imagined possible.
The amount that I love and miss you can never be described. But please know that i do trev. I think about you all the time. Washing my hair getting ALL the shampoo out, I breaking a nail, watching a documentary on the da vinci code, turning my tv on to espn, seeing jolly ranchers.
Trev we were magic. We are still. And I hate feeling like ill never see you cuz I WILL, I have to. Before i knew you I wrote and entry. And it said:
"I'd die without my other half... i have yet to figure out who that is tho..."
and two days later there you were... and here i am now. Sitting in my bedroom. Just wanting you here. Longing for any trace of you.
I love you Trevor
with all my heart
I love you
-Jessie
8:14 a.m. - Friday, Aug. 06, 2004
Recent entries:
The book day one - 12-05-06
random girls info - 06-01-06
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