Trevor left last night
Or at least I saw him for the last time last night.
It hasn't kicked in yet that he's actually gone. I keep thinking OH! I want to text him and ask him this or I wonder when he'll get online!
Which are both possible I know but my mind hasn't processed that he is out of state and living a different life now.
I guess his short visit in October is making me feel better like Trev's gonna be back, I WILL see him again.
I feel bad, we promised we wouldnt say goodbye and then the one cd i made him was a goodbye trevor mix. Well I couldn't have called what was going to happen but I still feel really bad.
But its not goodbye, I mean even the letter I wrote him makes it sound like Ill never see him again... He'll be online like always!
Its gonna be tough though, I'm used to seeing him EVERY day now.... welll thatttts not possible now.
Oh trev-ORRRRRR
I love him. Seriously. Last night everytime i kissed him I thought 'wow... ur amazing... dont leave!' and then the last time i kissed him.... it was so hard... i was like my last time.
And then i locked the keys in the jeep and he had to come by... haha its like a goof of a romantic movie, but it was cool.
WE kissed again... and left for real...
Tear
I wonder if he cried
So kiss me and smile for me.......
I stole his clothing. What do i have now... 2 new sweat pants, his elementary sweatshirt and some various tshirts one of which im wearing now.
wow im going to miss him when it hits me.
and i wore the same clothes i did the night i met him. For some reason everything i do is for a reason whether its realized or not. He noticed. Im a strong believer of ending something the same way that it started. I'm not sure why. I think it puts closure to the part and sort of takes me back to the beginning?
Why does it feel the same to fall in love or break it off....
Its not closure for trev tho, i know that im gonna talk to trev forever! theres no way im not.
Mitch texted me a million times last night asking to talk or call him cuz he misses me or what not.
I was like trevor moved its the toughest night of my life i want to be alone
and then hes like... you can talk to me
im like wow
ur not trevor
i hate you go away.
I want a trevor. Perhaps a pocket one?
I realized i still have my defence against saddness that I always have.
The sadder i am the happier i act and the more jokes i tell and the more i pretend that im okay.
at least i can fool the world
now to fool myself...
8:57 a.m. - Tuesday, Aug. 03, 2004
Recent entries:
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