I feel defeated but not quite so, just worn down. It's just I don't understand where this is coming from. She seems fine with me, we talk on the phone we talk online, shes like I miss you can't wait to see you... bam...and I'm like... what?
And am still like what. Its not like I want a battle. I guess im just in a crabby mood today to begin with so i flipped back.
Probably not a smart mood, but i had so many opinions and shes there dissing me and putting me down.
Its just she says everythings fine and you know like with AS shes like yeah i moved on... and then she brings it up for 10 more fights.
Ill stop
oh god
i feel like such an ass for being so defensive
but i just wanted to get stuff out, like if she was gonna do that to me out of nowhere at all
i'm not gonna sit back and agree
and then i tried to rationalize and all shed say was 'ok' so i was furtherly ticked and called her nd
i need to calm down
seriously im on the verge of bursting into tears
i just am still like... what jsut happened, was all it really necessary?
i want to wake up and have this not have happened cuz its so blah
and i hate it
and i really you know cant fix this cuz the past fight was solved, and i cant fix it again cuz hey lets pick a scab, itll help, wont make it scar
let it go!
it jsut makes my head feel cloudy and heavy and sad and angry and i hate it. I felt light and happy and i dont want to go back to this
i sorta wanna just loose communication and stuff.
Anyyyyyways!
smile
haha wow, there are few things taht can snap me out of that mood, actaully im still in it but jsut my saying 'anyways' makes me like switch gears.
Its weird, im thinking now about mitch and his girls....
Caitlin is telling me how she hates girls cuz they wont party with her
and Amandas always around guys
He has a taste that gay man
enough of that
im depressed again
so what can i do to make it go away essentially.
personally ive always just left people when they do this and make me feel like shit cuz i figure i dont need the drama.
this is diff cuz shes my friend, i just dont get whats going on and i hate beign like this!!!
i hate wanting to cry!
its my last summer!
after this is college and living out of my house and everything changes and i jsut want to live it and be happy
i just wanted my last summer
and now im crying cuz i have one month left
im in yet another fight
i dont have the energy to fight it though becase all my motivations are gone
mitch is gone.... and now this
double whammy
i dotn know how to say what i feel because i feel this is sounding angry
im not angry im upsetand frusterated.
i give in to whatever
i want to be chill
7:42 p.m. - 2004-07-18
Recent entries:
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