Maybe there are times in life that you are just meant to let go. I know today is one of those days that I love just as much as I hate and dread. The walls are down but there's no one to hurt me. Because today I don't care what people think of me and I've never been more comfortable with myself. Today is the day that ended everything I know in my little world only to find that there's so much of a world to live. It gives me a sense of hope that I'm anticipating will last for a while. For I have learned to let go and not to chase after everything I want. I've learned that I'll only be truely happy when I don't have to push people so hard. And I've learned if you let someone go... and they don't care, then there's no way it was worth it to begin with. Somewhere in my life I grew up. I developed morals that will help me throughout my entire life and even though the people who helped me learn them are long gone those memories will live on forever. I'm finally truely content with the person that I am and I will not change to suit anyones standards but my own. I can wear the clothes I want I can act a little crazy because only then can I be happy. I've learned that it's okay to be alone and you can still be plenty happy.
Right now the thing keeping my head in the right place not going insane is helping other people. Or just listening to other people because there are so many things going on in peoples lives that I can relate with I almost feel their pain or whatever emotion they are explaining to me. It feels nice to remember a real relationship with cuddling and falling asleep together and in other cases its nice to realize I'm not the only one who suffers. I like helping other people if I can, and if I fail I feel badly but I hope that everything works out anyways.
My oldest friends who feel like my family, the ones who know everything about me and sometimes I think I understand them... they give me a sense of reassurance because no matter what, they're always going to be there and I feel content with the simple things in life when I'm around them, I never liked elaborate anyways.
Today someone told me that just because you love someone doesnt mean that they're good for you. If they make you hurt then its not worth it and that you jsut have to realize that there is someone out there for you.
It's okay
Live a life of no regrets and you'll live a good life Jess. Don't give up and don't get discouraged. You deserve better, how many times have you heard that? Now believe it. Because its true.
4:38 p.m. - 2004-05-25
Recent entries:
The book day one - 12-05-06
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