I just watched Donnie Darko and it really disturbed me because it is such a psychological movie but unlike Butterfly Effect it is very dark and left me in a heavy and evil like state of mind.
I really dont think I should watch these movies becuase in all reality I probably have a mental contition to begin with. I've always sort of thought myself crazy and I know that someday I probably will be crazy to some extent. My brain jsut fills up with everything and unless i am out with friends having a good time or having a like and being focused on something... I will become and analyst, and try to figure out the entire world.
People don't think on my level, or maybe the thing is that I assume they do. I know with my dad's work they have a machiene that they can zoom in on anything in the world at a given time. They've demonstrated it and it scares me. They picked a street in the world, they zoomed in on a house, and they saw what the people were doing from a satallite.
And this is something that they can SHOW. The fact that my dad wont tell a single element of his work or even explain the machiene to me further shows something. If Raytheon has so many secrets, what does the CIA know? What capabilities do they have?
I watched a movie once... what was it? Shit you know what I hate? When you have an answer in your mind but for the life of you you can't find it in there.... Anyways in this movie there were TVs that could watch you. That from inside these TV's someone was watching you.
And so I think.... What if someone's watching me watch this movie? What if the dvd is implanted with this chip? And then I thought myself paranoid.
So I asked my dad if people can watch you when you don't think you can be being watched. And he said he couldn't tell me but he did say that people can watch you through your computer, even when you are not online. Someone may be watching me type right now...
But why would they want to do that? Why would I be worthy of being watched?
Sometimes I think I should go to all those bomb sites and kill the president sites just so they gain interest in me, so they WANT to watch me.
Its funny because I used to think that if they watched me enough that someday they'd want me in the CIA because they'd see I had the mentality. They'd see how I wanted to know everything, they'd see the sly side that I never let out. I thought the people watching my life would recruit me.
The Recruit???? Thats the movie. Anyways...
I probably am a schytso... and i cant even spell that.
But its like in A Beautiful Mind... no ones watching him yet he thinks that they constantly are.
Yet I ask why do we have all this technology if its not being used? Why be able to zoom in on a pack of gum in a house if the machiene doesnt have a purpose? If the world has the ability to watch me through my unlinked computer, what else can we do? For this is only what a 17 year old girl KNOWS of.
If I know this, what don't I know?
And can what you don't know hurt you?
Or am I only mental, because I know too much?
12:20 p.m. - Saturday, Aug. 07, 2004
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