all i want is his death.
there comes a point that you are so hurt by everything around you that you become numb to it.
i'm sick of alway hearing, you would be indifferent if i died.
i'm not sure you know how to use your heart or if youve ever said a nice thing to me in my enitire time knowing you.
no there are three that always bring a smile to my face: "i sort of missed you but dont tell anyone that", "you have a good memory" and "yeah id kind of miss you if you died."
you weren't worth my time. I've probably thought of suicide in the last two days more than i ever have before in my life. between that and my thoughts of wishing you were dead that may be all that fills my mind.
i dont understand why i stayed so long. or ever thought of you as my hero. i dont know why i cared about you a mile, when i never got an inch in return.
i like to think im that strong, to love endlessly someone who has never loved me back, and i'd come back to your pain when i had escaped you for so long just to help you and your constant depression of worthlessness. i don't have that strenght anymore, its been worn down over the years.
i regret ever knowing you, and i hope i dont remember you. all you have done to my life is bring it down. i am stupid to have loved you its probably the biggest mistake of my life, you are not worth loving.
why's it hitting me now? when we dont even talk anymore? because i dont have many friends because i gave most of my life to you. i wish i had never done that.
you had one strong point, this self control for smoking and drinking. the only noble thing about you. but you pride your smoking in your poll and smoke a lot more than you tell anyone. You are a hypocrite.
You have nothing i ever want. You are a joke to the world. 4 years is a lot of my life spent, find someone else who will do the same, because no one else can bear you.
and the only person who ever did, would rather see you dead than alive.
9:27 a.m. - 02-26-05
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