I'm having one of thoooose days again. Those days that only a few probably even have. But its horrible beyond belief.
first of all what if everything that i have ever learned is inaccurate. Everything i admired in other people and strived to be, what if those things are anctually set backs but i still strongly want to be that?
then for the biggest part..... no one really cares. i mean from time to time ill wear something because i think 'ohhh they will think i look like whoever' or i'll sit in class and lay a certain way and think ohhh they must be thinking thiiiis about me since im doing this. even with away messages i put them up thinking a specific random person that i hardly even know will read it and deduce somethign from it...
you know what jessie? peopel dont watch you. and they dont care. i mean how many people do you do that to??? you dont care what someoenes wearing and think ohhh they look like leo decaprio today!!! really they always look the same. etc etc.
it gets me down sometimes because i tend to live my life not how i feel but how other people will take me as feeling.
but what if the tecniques arent really tecniques at all? and im just a person trying for an invisable goal that no one will really notice anyways, because it was only real to me. and so i fail. and i give up. and i dont even know what im saying but its so sad really.
4:05 p.m. - 02-22-05
Recent entries:
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