Aw LIz and Freiji are so cute right now, I can hear them across the hall, theyre in there 'working' on thier making out and its such an enjoyable thing because I wish I had that, theyre like in a closed room and theyre in there laughing and talking and... well making out, but still you know. Its sweet I want that because my relationships all mushy and i want that laughing and fun...
Damn I swore to myself that I'd be chill and shit after my weed and rum but I can see I'm pissing people off and even when I have the best idea... it comes out of my mouth in good pieces but by the end I drown off and/or laugh which messes it up...
I really love life right now. I love that liz and hillz are so happy and in love and right now im glad i dont have a relationship but am glad I have someone there for me to give me those back massages and make me feel special.
Matt is amazing. I have so many memories with him and I'm scared to go out with him or like mess around with him or anything because I'm afraid it will mess things up and he'll just play me again and I'm starting to really like him so I'm scared. I mean what if I decide to listen to all that up there in my head repeating how much we've been through together over that past 6 years or how sweet he is or whatever you know?
I hate that when you are high and not good at being high like I wish I could be, time goes in waves and you try to consentrate really hard and then you forget all the time between the focusing points. It drives me nuts cuz I try to live all the times between but they are filled with jumbled thoguhts and giggles that piss me off cuz theres nothign funny and i dont wanna laugh. But the back of my head burns up and through the top and my mouth opens into this gay ass grin.
Is it weird that when I smile or think about something I like its always Jamie? Honestly I think about at the most random times.He really is great tho, honestly definitaly in my top 4 in best friends. We talk about so much but still get so random and funny. Wow lately I have so much respect and admiration for him, he is the most spectacular writer that I have ever known. I mean we used to make up awesome stories and stuff but when he told the 27yr death story or the most recent story I was like wow... I wanna be like him and read at night and write and be so good at it. He's amazing. I feel so bad cuz liz says he told her i like hated his piece and honestly I loved it and have been thinking about it all mornign and how awesome he is to have written it and I like that my questions were'nt answered becaue all good stories have questions, if everything was answered it would be like a fucking closed fairytale. The good stories like in movies are the ones that make you think again, the ones that leave you yearning for the whole truth becuase it is human nature to want to know everything and understand. So questions were good, its good I had them, it makes the story better. Its like wondering about the chaos theory in butterfly effect or more accuratly a movie that you dont know if the guy is really dead or a ghost, so you keep watching it again and again trying to figure out and each time you find clues hinting another way but you're never quite sure and it drives you crazy? Thats what jamies did to me. It ended and i was like that was good but why, and if i would have known why id be like okay decent excellent story but with this im like wow... i want to know more... Jamie i'm gonna probably show this to you tomorrow. I'm not sure if I should and I'm truely sorry if it messes with your mind and stuff you know?yeha but i love your story and I want you to know that. Ur truely amazing jamie and probably the best guy i know.
Back to the diary and less of the letter in it that i think he'll magically get... Liz and Freiji are probably having sex in there cuz its 18 mins later and i hear nothing. HIllz is downstairs waiting for alex sober. I feel bad I'm like pissfully laughy.
So its only 10:00 and im feeling its the middle of the night slash 4am.
I feel like so much time has past while actually its still really early.
Liz just talked to me........ came out of the room and said somthign pointing at the door... hmm i wonder if shes getting a condom from hillary... ohh that would be so exciting. Even though i couldnt see it cuz im in here typing and watching family guy.
I really miss trevor. So much, today everyhing reminded me of him and i realized no one woudl ever be the same again.
Troy tried to im me... haha i hate those kids so much theyre such assholes and everyone knows it and yet they think theyre sweet cuz theyre gonna try to 'fuck up my life' haha seriously you powerless losers, whatcha gonna do? honestly.. youll do nothing, and if you do ill kill you
simple? right? word....
troy honestly is the gayest kid hes like errr jsut dumb like purposfully takes offence to everyhting you say and make it all like 'what you dont love me!??!' im like chill kid i went to the bathroom live with it
my lifes sweet tho, i love my friends and i love my relationships with everyone, my eyes are burning and i keep thinking everyone fell asleep and then i realize its 10:11 and freiji isnt leaving for a while and alex isnt here yet...
but still i wonder... why so much silence??? i think everyones having sex tongiht but meee. I wouldnt anyways.
oh here comes hillary, she says shes so excited to see her bf that she has butterflies and its so cute.
Matts leaving soon and so ill be with liz who is also high and drunk so im excited for some intence indepth conversation.
I kinda wish i had a boyfirend right now to just get trashed wiht lol. Anyways this is long and therefore you probably wanted to stop reading a long while ago. So im out to end ur sorry and perhaps ill have more rootbeer and rum cuzz hillz says i should.
I love you
seriously, you know this link cuz i love you
(foreshadowing for things perhaps? ) like... you know... anyways
Hillz just informed me that matt and liz are official
guys are here! shit!!!
9:41 p.m. - Thursday, Aug. 19, 2004
Recent entries:
The book day one - 12-05-06
random girls info - 06-01-06
names of summer - 06-01-06
names of summer - 06-01-06
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